Yesterday two of my co-workers and myself were talking about sexism in the work place, unhappiness and how to get happy with sex toys. Isn't that what YOU talk about with your co-workers (*wink wink*) This is what I get for working at a radio station. Anyways, we were talking about our most embarrassing moments when our parents either found out that we were having sex, or them finding sex toys of ours etc. I told them about my experience, which I will proudly share with you now. If you're my older brother and reading this, you might wanna skip this part until I get to the "children with computer chips in their bags while at school" part.
So one day when I moved back to my parents home after living and going to college in Baltimore, I was sitting on my bed with my door wide open reading a magazine. My dad came in just to have some small talk and then starts looking around my room with a funny look on his face as if he's trying to figure out the answer to the worlds biggest question...he then asked me if I heard anything funny in my room. I hadn't noticed because I was deeply involved in the article I was reading in my magazine, so I said no, but then I DID hear a strange vibrating noise. Now I know what you're thinking since I just used the word "vibrator" and since we're on the topic of sex toys you'd expect for it to be that....well I honestly wasn't sure but that thought hadn't even crossed my mind yet. My dad started to kinda investigate my room with the noise as did I. Now my bedroom window is close to our neighbors house and there is an air conditioning unit outside their house that faces my bedroom window, and considering how OLD my parents house is, any time a car drives by, the windows will shake...it wasn't until he got closer to my dresser that I realized EXACTLY what the noise was. So I quickly jumped out of my bed and told my dad that I'm sure I'll figure it out,
"Well Semra, I mean it sounds close, it's just such a strange noise"
"yeah yeah dad I know, I've heard it before and it's def our neighbors air conditioning unit that's making are frail house shake...don't worry about it, can you close my door on your way out please!"
He still had that funny look on his face and then left VERY SLOWLY. It was KILLING ME PEOPLE! Can you imagine if he was the one to find out what it was!? That would have SUCKED. Anyways, I pull open the drawer where I knew my vibrator was hidden and sure enough, I had somehow knocked it into 1st gear (slowest vibration) when I must have slammed it in there in the OFF position from the last time. WOMP WOMP WOMP WHAAAAAA. I was saved that time, but there would be two other times when my dad found something to do with me and sex before and after that incident. Now I moved out and no longer face those problems, but GOODNESS, it's not cute or fun to have your DAD of all people find these things.
It gives me an extremely uncomfortable feeling, just like when I heard the news that students in high schools would be given a hidden computer chip to track where students are at all times. Yes people, we've gotten to the point where parents are clearly lacking in watching or knowing their own kids that they feel the need to TRACK THEIR KIDS WITH SECRET COMPUTER CHIPS. All those 80's movies are finally becoming a reality. It's just a freaky thing and NOT ok by me. If you want to read more about this, here is where I first found out about it.
KIDS WITH CHIPS
Moral: Keep things that are supposed to be PRIVATE, "private." There's a reason that we still need that word in the dictionary.
HOT SAUCE!
~ Semra ~
3 comments:
Ahhh sex toys... So since most of my friends are getting married I have been to a lot of these parties where you are intoduced to a whole new world of possbile toys, lotions, potions, and equipment. I will fill you in on some highlights...
When Emmy was getting married her mom and her to-be mother-in-law wanted to join us at this "slumber party" which was uncomfortable and hilarious. Yes the mother of her fiance was def there. The host of the party took advantage of this when introducing us to 2 potions... "like a virgin" and "anal ease" taking q-tip's with both potions on it and handing them to Emmy, her mother, and the mother of her fiance. Then she sends them all to seperate rooms with instructions to add the potions to the "designated areas" needless to say for the rest of the party Daugther, Mother, and Daughter in law were all experiencing the same affects, in their same special places, while sitting next to eachother in the same room. All three of them made it no secret they were buying both potions. I wonder if they ever discussed with eachother the experiences they had with son, father, and father-in-law. Ewwww.
Of course the next party was personaly uncomfortable because my mom was there. Seeing your mother play with a hummingbird is nothing that helps you sleep at night. What also doesnt help, seeing her credit card slip after her purchase and knowing she spent over $100 on sex toys. What also didnt add to the situation, a dirty male stripper... an added surprise to the party, a gift to Andrea from her MOTHER who would later be receiving the most disturbing lap dance EVER.
Moral of this story: its funny to realize our mothers are still wild sex loving women... until you see your mom with a strap on remote controlled vibrator.
Semra!!!! Ur blog is rad (yeah, I brought it back). Had to link you're OReilly shit a couple days ago.
PS...You better feel better soon or I'm gonna beat you up with big pillowy gloves that'll make you giggle like a school girl the second you see them on my hands...: )!
Can't say I'm too shocked by the vibrator in the drawer. However, I would have paid CASH money to see the look on your dad's face as he was leaving the room. Pure magic, I'm sure. You gotta blog about your DMB experience!!
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