Pointless Conversations in the Office

We've all been through this, but I find them particularly annoying,...pointless conversations in the office. There's always someone in your office that seems to either want to be part of your life, or has non of their own and wants to know what you're doing for the weekend (not that they're trying to hang out with you either, they just want to know your business because they're nosey or want to compare your life to theirs outside of the office). I don't care for these types of, "office folk" personally, and there's A LOT of you out there that share this exact same feeling.

When I started working in an office I never once thought to myself that I was going to become friends with anyone here beyond an OFFICE friendship (totally different than an actual friend), you just end up having to tolorate certain conversations...which are ALL pointless.

Every Monday you get the "how was your weekend?" questions from people that you don't care about. Nobody actually cares about how YOUR weekend was, they're just talking for the sake of hearing their own voice, and when they need something from you they will feel like they have the right to ask you for things later on. I hate this.

Then on Friday you get the "what are you getting into this weekend?" question...again, they don't care. They want to know how much more boring your weekend will be compared to theirs. This is why you should never engage in these conversations, just let them fall to the floor and give the one word short and simple answers that are EXTREMELY general.

Q: How was your weekend?

A: it was great.

Q: What are you getting into this weekend?

A: a lot.

There's my office lesson to you. Use those answers whenever you feel the need to get everyone away from you. It shuts down POINTLESS CONVERSATIONS quickly. Trust me, I'm a pro at this.

Moral: not everyone was made to be your friend

Solange Knowles,... Bamma of the Week

Did anyone else see that clip of Solange Knowles snap at the anchor of FOX news in Las Vegas this past week? No??....well you're in for a treat my friends. The best part is that you don't even have to wait for it. She's so classy she tells it how it is within the first 20 seconds of the interview...and then realizes that she just made the biggest bamma move of her life.

Solange's BAMMA moment this week

Solange....you are the biggest BAMMA of the WEEK WEEK WEEK!!!!

Moral: If you have hate in your heart let it out

Cereal Industry....FAIL

I feel sorry for two things in life-

One: Kids now get some of the worst "toys" ever in their cereal boxes

Two: There clearly must be an increase in obese fatty McGee kids roaming the grocery stores / fast food restaurants etc. etc. etc.

I popped open a fresh new box of Frosted Flakes (it's the sh**), this morning before I headed to this dead end job of mine, and saw that there was a prize in there (yippy). You know what the prize was? A f**king step pace logging device!!! It counts how much you walk by tracking each step. I think that it's their subliminal way to tell kids that they need to get their mini me fat a**es outside and use their pace marker.

Can we be real for a second? How suck a** is that? What kid wants that? I mean give them one of those Speed Racer cars or something. A PACE MARKER!??? Who does that? Apparently Frosted Flakes,...that's who.

I'm so glad I grew up in the 80's. BIG WHEELS for adults!!! It's coming soon folks...don't you worry your pretty little heads.

Moral: marketing teams in the cereal industry really need to pick up their prize game. These aren't cutting it AT ALL.

Why I need a new job

I've mentioned to you before how much homeless people like me. They are drawn to me like moths to a flame. Last week about 45 minutes before I was about to close shop, this confused older Asian lady wonders into my companies lobby (nothing abnormal, we have many confused looking people that wonder throughout this building, it's high class like that). Anyways, she comes into the lobby and begins to attempt to speak english. But before that, let me paint a picture for you about what she looked like.

-Spice Girl platform shoes (black)

-early 90's floral cut off jean shorts, capri length (floral, meaning there were pastel flowers all over them)

-tight nylon aqua blue J-Lo scoop top with a matching tight fitting nylon shirt underneath it, sprinkled with diamonds as if bedazzled threw up all over her top

-matching painted on blue eye shadow (completely 80's rocker style)

-fire engine red lipstick (some of it landing on her front teeth)

-F**KED up teeth (as if each tooth was trying to high five the one next to it)

NOW, I will continue. So she comes into the lobby and starts speaking jibberish that I can't understand AT ALL. She starts asking about jobs we have here, which I quickly respond ("we don't have anything open except internships"), she has no idea what an internship is, but all of a sudden when I tell her that, she goes, "yes, I want one of those." I then tell her that she has to have been enrolled in a University for at least 3 years....she asks me where to enroll and if she can do it at our radio station...................*silence*.........I tell her that Montgomery College is only a few blocks away and she should look into that, although it's not a 4 year University and you must be a senior, or junior to enroll into our internship program. She doesn't know what I'm telling her and I already know this before I even open my mouth. But I have 45 minutes to kill on a Friday so I think, what the heck, I mind as well use it up completely. She asks me what my name is and I tell her, she giggles and then goes, "you Japanese???" with a very serious face all of a sudden. I respond (thinking to myself, should I play along with this?) but then think of her suddenly speaking to me in Japanese, which I only know how to say hello and goodbye in...so I pass and tell her the truth about my name.

I ask her if she wants to fill out an application anyways for an internship here. She does and is very excited. I give her the packet and smile. I'm an asshole, I already know this. This packet takes a normal person 20 minutes to complete on average.....with her, she completes it within 10 minutes (amazing)....but it's also because only the following information is included in her response to questions.

-What is your name (now keep in mind that she's Korean)

A: Monika Peace

- Do you go by any other names

A: Lee Jonja (Nam)

- Are you currently employed

A: no

-Do you have the legal right to work in the US

A: no

(shocker)

- Employment Experience

A: Tri Graphic (Rockville, MD) no clue what this place is, but I should try googling it and see if such a place is even real or not.

-Education

A: Soap Girls High School

(no sh**.....she's a KEEPER, HANDS DOWN!)

she then asked if this was an internship for Korean Radio and Dance.........I wish I was making all of this up, but there's no way I'm that creative.

I can't wait to see if she comes back and there will be a PART 2 to the blog if she does....PLEASE BELIEVE IT!

Moral: Crazy is, as crazy does

Batman was at my grandma's house!!!

Yes folks, you heard right. Batman was straight up at my grandma's house for the past three nights. She told me herself. So what does this mean for me? Well apparently our little friend Batman decided to have some kids and teach them how to fly at night in my grandma's bedroom (not cute), so my aunt, my mom, and myself (as well as my grandma), had to walk all around the house looking in vents and all sorts of fun places to look for this sick-son-of-a-bitch of a bat so it wouldn't attack my poor grandma at night.

Well after sitting outside in a beach chair in front of my grandma's house for 2 f***ing hours staring directly at the vent that the bat may (or may not) fly out of at night...I came to realize a few things:

1) I looked like a hick

2) this plan was NOT going to work

3) don't they have companies that you can call up to do this for you???

4) watching my mom walk around my grandma's house with a broom hitting the walls and everything in site is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. That will be found on YouTube when you type in "Semrific" as your search.

Not only was I the last person on earth that was helpful in this situation, but there was also pretty much NOTHING that I could control or do and I wasted just about 5 hours with my mom, aunt and grandmother doing literally NOTHING. Just sitting there outside looking like the finest white trash that you may set your eyes on in this life time.

Moral: Not everything goes according to plan, make way for other options ALWAYS

Why kids will now be having their own children RIGHT NOW

I must say, this world is flat out F***ED. My girl, we'll call her "BLACK KNIGHT", just sent me this crazy YouTube clip that not only made me feel like I was watching pre-strippers, but made me PISSED that the parents of the "kids" just shouted and encouraged it (good parenting skills). It's flat out sick and now, the race card has been drawn and brought some folks back a few steps.......AGAIN.

Yes people, every race gets cards, and they have marks on them...with those marks you can help your race move forward with good actions and contribution to humanity, OR, you can YOINK it and pull your race back two steps for each horrid move.

This is a horrid move:

PRE-STRIPPER KIDS

Moral: There's a reason that they have parental advisory warnings on stuff....don't ignore that if you're a parent. I don't like 6 year old strippers

Conceded Men...

Something I've noticed as I've gotten older (not sure if this is a "trend" or the real deal), but there are WAY TOO many "men" out there who are conceded. My roommate brought this up last night after she had a dinner with her organization and met some new dude who was apparently FINE, but she said that everything that came out of his mouth, or any topic that other people were talking about would revert back to him. We've all met people like that before; folks that literally can't have a conversation because they end up talking about themselves or an experience that they have had before, something that happend to them, they don't listen to anyone else and when they do, they're trying to figure out how to get the subject back to them again. AWFUL. I literally can't deal with people like that.

In the past two months I've met my fair share of dudes that are like this and it might just be due to the area that I live in, the environment, or how they think that they're supposed to come off. They're confusing "confidence," with "cockiness" and there's a HUGE difference. There's just A LOT of Kanye West attitudes out there that I'm NOT cool with. If you're like that then FIX YO FACE SON! Get your life together!!!

Sidenote- I also don't like people that stare, or people that talk to themselves out loud in the office. Not ok with me AT ALL.

Moral: Not everyone is as well rounded as they should be, remember to LISTEN to OTHER PEOPLE in life. Not everything in the world revolves around what you know, or what you've learned.

INTERVENTION!!!!!

I've just found my new favorite show (thanks SHELL). It's on A&E and is simply called, "intervention"

Now I've NEVER seen this show before in my life....but after the clip that she sent me I think ALL of you will be addicted to it just like Amy Winehouse is to Crack.......awwww don't get mad that I wrote that if you're a fan. Sometimes the truth hurts.....

INTERVENTION (don't forget to watch the following clips to the full episode for this specific "intervention").

Moral: sometimes the truth hurts, but is needed to be exposed

Why do I go to plays?

I'm a BIG supporter of the "arts" and I love to switch things up and throw in a good play here and there when I feel like sitting there in an audience that normally I would never be around, (mainly because they're a bunch of HUGE dorks that are socially awkward and dress in MC Hammer style pants or high waters ). But last night, being the good daughter that I am, I went with my mom to see some new play downtown at the Woolly Mammoth Theatre (near the Verizon Center). The play was called, "Maria Stuart," it's about a family who deals with some F-d up situations including:

- incest

- schizophrenia

- a hereditary curse

- an aunt with two claws for hands (she tried to commit suicide on train tracks and lost her hands)

- a grandmother that takes on a form of the Exorcist style body and manorisms

F***ing great, just what I wanted to do after work on a Monday night when I'm already out of it and tired as hell. Surprisingly I didn't have any jacked up dreams from it. But...I did make some observations about the whole plot of the play. It basically felt like a group of super strange folks came together, were drunk or high (you pick) and all told their weirdest stories to eachother and then somehow tried to make them all connect into one thing (that "thing" became the play). The only cool thing about this play was the stage set, which was two kitchens that were combined into one, but the cabinate doors came up like a house of cards collapsing into the middle but they were all in mid-air as they looked like they were caving in. Very Alice and Wonderland-ish of the set designers.

So that's all. I just want to know why I never learn from the previous plays...they started off good and then just LOOSE me and the rest of the audience as their plot continues.

Moral: not all art is great, stick to the ones you actually like the most

Micheal Phelps and Gheorge Muresan, same person???

Am I wrong for putting this out there? Phelps has clearly been dominating the Olympics this year. But I mean they are the same person right??? You know how Micheal Phelps dad skipped out on them or something like that back in the day? I think we found out who the father is....no more need to have Phelps mom go on the Maury Show to prove it. I think we ALL know who the father is.

Hate to say, I told you so!

Ribcage necklace? and GUY TRIPS OVER HIS BALLS

Two strange things, one is this Ribcage necklace...who the F is going to wear that!? The other is one of the best pieces of news I've read in awhile, it made my entire week:

"Calvin Morett, 19, of Saratoga Springs NY was arrested at the Saratoga Springs High School graduation on Thursday when he ran onto the stage in a six-foot-tall inflatable penis costume. For a nice added touch he sprayed silly string as cavorted on the stage. When police approached Mr. Morett tried to flee, and this is when the flaw in his plan was revealed. The penis costume includes balls at foot level and Morett had failed to anticipate the difficulty this would cause as he tried to escape. "Once I stopped laughing, he was pretty easy to catch because he was tripping on the lower portion of the costume,'' said Saratoga Springs Police Sgt. Sean Briscoe, who eventually deflated Morett. "

Moral: Dont' wear bones when you have some already and maybe don't try so hard next time and you will not fall over your own balls

WHY I CAN'T DATE ANYMORE

Dating is hard enough as is, it has it's ups and downs from time to time depending on the folks you're dealing with. My artistic muse up in NYC (Julian, gotta give you much credit for this one dude), sent me a link to a website (HOLY TACO) that not only makes me NEVER want to deal with someone like this, but FREAKS me out with other men in the world that might leave a message similar to this one for me. Dudes are funny like that.

Here's the link, have a listen:
DOUCHE OF A MESSAGE

Moral: Me Myself & I is just fine

PS - Check out another blog that's BANANAS in a good way: STANDARD

Chinese people LOOOOOVE my roommate

So my roommate was one of the lucky ones that actually got to go to the Olympics in Beijing, China. She attended the opening ceramonies, went to the great wall of China, ate some of the most interesting meals she's had in a long time and took A LOT of pictures with other Chinese strangers.

Now since some of you do not know my roommate personally, let me paint a picture for you. She owns at least 25 different pairs of sunglasses that are all HUGE on her face, but that's just her style and swagger. Anyways, due to that and also due to the fact that she said there were just about ZERO other white folks around her when she was doing the touristy stuff, EVERY SINGLE CHINESE PERSON WAS TAKING THEIR PICTURE WITH HER!

Moral: Take it Light...reeeeaaal LIGHT

Isaac Hayes too!!???

So I was already upset and shocked to find out about Bernie Mac on Saturday, but then I hear that Isaac Hayes passed away on Sunday!???? Seriously folks, what a horrible weekend with news of deaths with celebrities. He was 65 years old.

I will always love your CHOCOLATE SALTY BALLS ISAAC!!! (South Park people....not literally, but well....you know).

Here's an Isaac Hayes tribute DJ mix to check out:
MIX IT UP WITH YOUR CHOCOLATE SELF!!!




Moral: Count your blessings and make every day count for something!

We lost a King of Comedy on Saturday morning

Bernie Mac passed away at age 50 yesterday morning while struggling to fight for his life next to his wife.
Bernie Mac article

Bernie Mac was definitely one of the only other comedians that could appeal to ANY audience with his TV show "The Bernie Mac Show." It was hilarious, everyone I knew had at least watched the show once in their life and thought that he was in fact a great comedian. If you know me well enough, you know how important humor is in my life, so hearing that news yesterday definitely made me upset. I pulled out my Kings Of Comedy DVD on Friday night to watch, (extremely ironic considering all the DVD's I had to pick from that I picked that one). I watched that famous portion of the stand up where Bernie starts talking about his family: "let me get some milk and coooookies"
KINGS OF COMEDY CLIP

So I tip my hat to one of the greats of my generation in the comedy world.

WE'LL MISS YOU BERNIE MAC!!!!!

Moral: Don't forget to laugh every day, no matter what's been put on your plate in life.

I DON'T WANT TO BE DIDDY'S ASSISTANT OR WORK FOR HIM...THANK YOU VERY MUCH

VH1 has always been good to me in the entertainment biz. They've provided me with some of the worlds raunchiest reality shows: Rock of Love, Flava of Love, Hogan Knows Best, I Love New York, Brooke Knows Best, I Love Money...and now *drum roll* I WANT TO WORK FOR DIDDY.

This show really presents to you one type of person (which makes awesome TV for us all to watch) straight BITCHES. I love how they all are his personal slaves to his folks. There is no other explanation....didn't these folks see MAKING THE BAND (the first one), when all the band members had to run around and buy him sugar cookies and sh** like that? They already knew the type of BS that P Diddy has people running around doing for him. Chappelle def did the BEST impression of Puffy/P Diddy/ Diddy/ Sean Combs/ BAMMA ...whatever it is that you call him these days, in his skits during the first season of Chappelle Show.

Anyways, this breaks down people into two catagories: hungry & desperate. Everyone on the show SCREAMS DESPERATE. They don't care how someone treats them, they'll do anything to get the approval from him. Sounds like a straight up hoe and pimp situation to me. They've also selected a bunch of folks who speak in all sorts of crack ebonics when trying to "explain" their actions. I'm sorry but the apple DOESN'T fall far from the tree and with most of these people, you CAN judge it by it's cover.

It's making my generation look f***in' sad as hell man. As if we don't have enough odds against us (generation X), we've now got all these "reality shows" to keep holding us from rising to the top like we will and shall one day. I mean I get the whole entertainment thing because it's literally mindless, but I've noticed that some of my friends believe that this stuff is REAL.....man, these shows are NOT REAL, they're real F***ED, that's what they are. I know some of the folks that have been on these programs, or worked on them and they've TOLD me themselves how scripted it is, because now media and the audiences are craving more and more reality spoon fed shows.

So back to the Diddy show. There's a reason that I call my period my P Diddy, that's what he reminds me of. Something painful and draining that I have to deal with once a month, now it's once a week since his show is on VH1 every Monday night.

Moral: You can compare people to anything...judgement is sometimes due to those that deserve it negatively

Oh fatty, you're the FATTEST!!!

So apparently this is one of THE GREATEST concepts to come from another country that maybe our country should be copying. The French have come up with a FAT TAX that would tax all the fatty, sweet, salty unnecessary foods that too many consume now-a-days. In all honesty, this is one of the BEST ideas that has come up. AND it would make my "anti-fat" father agree quickly (he's completely prejudice against people that allow themselves to get so fat that they're hard to look at). Fatty's make up more than half of today's population....well maybe that will change since we're all turning broker by the minute. Anyways, back to fatness.

If you can't stand up straight with your feet together and look down and SEE YOUR FEET, then you need to go on a diet. Bottom line, that's my fat rule. I don't care if you're chubby, that's different. We're talking straight up, can't walk around and do average human tasks in life.

If you want to know the specifics of why this all came up, check out the article.

FATTY'S IN FRANCE

Moral: Some people were left to be judged so that they would bring positive change in their lives. GET HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!

JILL SCOTT

Normally I don't read many other folks blogs (even though I write my own and you're reading it now)...but I had to read one that came from the Washington City Paper. It was about Jill Scott. Now I don't like to bash on the ladies in the music industry that actually sing about topics that I can relate to as a woman, BUT....the comment that someone wrote back on how Jill Scotts topics have changed made me laugh out loud. I'm sorry but it's actually true. In the blog (here it is if you want to read it, it's short: JILL), they talked mainly about how her material is always about LOVE and things that ladies go through, emotional roller coster relationships, the difference between her and my FAVORITE WOMAN Erykah Badu...but it also addressed a poem that Jill wrote about pooping:

I pushed

andI grunted

andI labored

andI squeezed

andYou splashed

andI cleaned

andI stood

andI flushed

and I don’t even think of you now

So the response from a reader CRACKED ME UP, this is what they said:

"You forgot to mention that Jill loves to sing about food. Her morbid obesity is a testament to her unhealthy relationship with food. Considering how much she consumes it really isn’t surprising that she’s written a poem about defecating."

So wrong, but yet SOOOOOOOOO RIGHT!!!! It don't get no RIGHTER!!!!

Here's something else to laugh at that makes fun of people that you'll enjoy, THANKS BLACK VOICE!

Lil Wayne & Jay Z spoof video

Moral: IN YO FACE!

WHY????

I often will go through the day feeling like Jada Kiss's song "WHY" is stuck in my head. But it's only getting stuck in there because I often ask myself "WHY" about a lot of stuff. Here's a list of random thoughts that was on my mind today:

- Why does the homeless man that I pass by every morning wear the freshest pair of Air Force Ones I've ever seen in my LIFE!??? (they're sparkling white). How is he affording these? Or were they donated by some spoiled rich kid from the mid-west?

- Why is the creamer in my office brand name HOOD? (It even comes in this ghetto looking package).

- Why am I still working at the same job I've been trying to leave for over 7 months now???

- Why are little boys always hollerin' at older women? (well older like 10 years older or less than the boys are)

- Why is this world still sexist when it comes to the media industry?

- Why are all females that stand around in the backgrounds of dirty south music videos all looking ROUGH? They have also admitted that it would become their "big break" into the video world.......WRONG,...how bout no Scott.

- Why can't Beyonce act? She's the same character and voice in every movie I've seen her in...all two of them, because I don't count that MTV Hip Hopra (what the hell was that anyways?), haha....womp womp.

Moral: I'm SO HOOD!!!

It's a sister SING OFF in the music industry

I know that everyone has their own feelings about this but I have to admit, the music industry is extremely upsetting right now. It could be because there isn't enough independent labels out there who are getting the recognition that they deserve since corporate is in charge of everything that we see and hear. But it could also be due to the continuous amount of CRAP that is produced by wanna-be stars no matter what music genre you listen to is. I guess the only thing that can be said about this is an over used cliche, which is: "it's not about what you know, but about WHO you know"

Which brings me to my next topic, the music industry and the family ties to what we see and hear the most of. We could go with the sister duo's [ex: Jessica Simpson / Ashley Simpson vs. Beyonce / Solange]. Their fathers are the ones who get their daughters to the top as their own personal business strategy. They think 'why not use their daughters talent with singing to throw up on every magazine / tv screen / late night talk show/ radio station and book'.....[don't worry, those books are on the way. It's just like reading a blog :-)]; except they're not funny and they actually think that the rest of us give a sh** about their personal lives. It's kind of unfortunate, but if you become a celebrity, just know that you WILL BE LABELED and most folks DON'T care (unless your favorite network is E, then it might actually mean something to you...womp womp). That's what this society does best, and it is an easy way for folks to put others into a category. But again, back to the specific people that I picked to discuss, lets talk about how the older sister has the sex appeal and looks and the younger sister looks like it's a distorted version of the first sister. BUT with the Simpson's, Ashley turned out to have much catchier songs and hits than her older sister. Since Solange is JUST coming out with an album, it's too soon for me to judge this comparison so I won't...YET. But I would like to say that her new single: "I Decided" is extremely catchy and might open up that light on her and take away her sisters spot light for a minute (which I would NOT mind since this industry is over-saturated with Beyonce). I'll let YOU be the judge though.


Moral: Agree to disagree

How does one get themselves fired successfully?

I've been asking myself this question all morning long, I haven't come up with the answer. Nothing seems to be working successfully as of yet. Apparently not following directions, taking two hour lunch breaks as well as pretending to listen to bosses when your staring at them and then dozz off doesn't get you fired either.

Is this how desperate the company I work for is?


Answer = Apparently


Moral: don't put all your eggs into one basket, especially if that wish is to get fired to collect unemployment