Why I need a new job

I've mentioned to you before how much homeless people like me. They are drawn to me like moths to a flame. Last week about 45 minutes before I was about to close shop, this confused older Asian lady wonders into my companies lobby (nothing abnormal, we have many confused looking people that wonder throughout this building, it's high class like that). Anyways, she comes into the lobby and begins to attempt to speak english. But before that, let me paint a picture for you about what she looked like.

-Spice Girl platform shoes (black)

-early 90's floral cut off jean shorts, capri length (floral, meaning there were pastel flowers all over them)

-tight nylon aqua blue J-Lo scoop top with a matching tight fitting nylon shirt underneath it, sprinkled with diamonds as if bedazzled threw up all over her top

-matching painted on blue eye shadow (completely 80's rocker style)

-fire engine red lipstick (some of it landing on her front teeth)

-F**KED up teeth (as if each tooth was trying to high five the one next to it)

NOW, I will continue. So she comes into the lobby and starts speaking jibberish that I can't understand AT ALL. She starts asking about jobs we have here, which I quickly respond ("we don't have anything open except internships"), she has no idea what an internship is, but all of a sudden when I tell her that, she goes, "yes, I want one of those." I then tell her that she has to have been enrolled in a University for at least 3 years....she asks me where to enroll and if she can do it at our radio station...................*silence*.........I tell her that Montgomery College is only a few blocks away and she should look into that, although it's not a 4 year University and you must be a senior, or junior to enroll into our internship program. She doesn't know what I'm telling her and I already know this before I even open my mouth. But I have 45 minutes to kill on a Friday so I think, what the heck, I mind as well use it up completely. She asks me what my name is and I tell her, she giggles and then goes, "you Japanese???" with a very serious face all of a sudden. I respond (thinking to myself, should I play along with this?) but then think of her suddenly speaking to me in Japanese, which I only know how to say hello and goodbye in...so I pass and tell her the truth about my name.

I ask her if she wants to fill out an application anyways for an internship here. She does and is very excited. I give her the packet and smile. I'm an asshole, I already know this. This packet takes a normal person 20 minutes to complete on average.....with her, she completes it within 10 minutes (amazing)....but it's also because only the following information is included in her response to questions.

-What is your name (now keep in mind that she's Korean)

A: Monika Peace

- Do you go by any other names

A: Lee Jonja (Nam)

- Are you currently employed

A: no

-Do you have the legal right to work in the US

A: no

(shocker)

- Employment Experience

A: Tri Graphic (Rockville, MD) no clue what this place is, but I should try googling it and see if such a place is even real or not.

-Education

A: Soap Girls High School

(no sh**.....she's a KEEPER, HANDS DOWN!)

she then asked if this was an internship for Korean Radio and Dance.........I wish I was making all of this up, but there's no way I'm that creative.

I can't wait to see if she comes back and there will be a PART 2 to the blog if she does....PLEASE BELIEVE IT!

Moral: Crazy is, as crazy does