So I went to NYC this weekend to catch up on my artistic side of life and learned a few things which I knew, but I didn't want to see for myself. Here they are in no particular order:
#1 When you go to a restaurant in NYC and they ask if you made reservations and you tell them no, DON'T EAT THERE. They will hassle you until you leave because you're "taking up space from other reserved customers". Was I not eating while I was sitting there? I can't tell you how hard it was not to cuss his bitch ass out and make a scene. I seriously have never dealt with anything on that level of rudeness and all that jazz in my entire life and I have worked in a super expensive nice restaurant in DC before and never heard ANY of my managers talk to ANY customer (regardless of if they've made a reservation or not) that way. Not only did the manager walk by me and my friends spot and ask us if our third party was coming yet every 2 seconds, he also made it CLEAR that they had other guests coming to the restuarant and he needed the table and we had X amount of time to order eat and leave. I SH** YOU NOT, here is the restaurant and I didn't get the managers name but I will NEVER go there again. Also side-note, when you eat there and they say SALMON, it literally means that they will only be serving you that one item on a HUGE empty plate and charge 4 times the amount that you should for that. I regreted that entire dinner "experience" and I will NEVER, I repeat NEVER go there again in my life. You'd think that if you payed a sh** load for your meal then at least the atmosphere and staff would be good to you, (well our server was awesome) but the manager needed to be hit across the face with a frying pan Indian style. NEVER GO TO: BAR STUZZICHINI
#2, Every guy in the city thinks that they're Kanye West or Pharrell Williams wearing those NERD ALERT fake "reading" glasses with the thick black frames. I can't WAIT for my kids in the future to look back at pictures and be like, "mommy...they didn't even need to wear glasses, so why are they wearing those big funny looking nerdy glasses mommy?" and I will proudly answer to my kid, "well honey, that's what mark-ass-buster-bammafied-sons-of-bitches wear when they feel that they have nothing to bring to the table except for some trend that everyone else is doing already. We also call them un-original-bammas sweety."
#3 tourists in NYC. Now I KNOW that I don't live in NYC so I can be considured a "tourist" as well....but lets face it, I'm talking about the ones that stand still in the middle of the sidewalk that will get "BLACK FRIDAY WALMARTED" all over the streets when I'm coming through. Lets repeat that shall we??? DON'T STOP ON BUSY SIDEWALKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET WALKED OVER. I wanted to punch everyone and their moms in their corny mid-west-style "Christmas" sweaters and turtlenecks. I wanted to trouble them to a warm glass of "shut the hell up" but realized that I wasn't near any vendor that served warm liquids to cheerfully share with every tourist in the street near me at the moments I needed it most. I turned into a grumpy New Yorker as soon as my plane landed, it's kind of a tradition for me ;-)
#4 Brooklyn doesn't connect to other sections of Brooklyn on the subway....I thought that if you're in Brooklyn you can get to all sections of Brooklyn that you need to without hailing a cab.....WRONG. Apparently you have to go through Manhattan just to get back to another section of Brooklyn. This is frustraiting and takes up about 2 hours of your life just WAITING for the trains to come that you need at that moment. Not fun or cool.
#5 BUY A SUBWAY CARD....I "double-teamed" (as the NYC undercover COPS like to call it) with my friend and got caught. Now I have to pay a ticket that is about 14 times the amount it costs for a $7 card that gives you multiple rides to and from where ever you need to go in NYC. DUMB
I have a new found appreciation for DC and I'm not even kidding you. Not only is my apartment larger than a closet, but it also gets me into the city (in any section) in about 20 minutes. Now THAT'S BEAUTIFUL in my eyes.
WORD UP SON!
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2 comments:
lmmmaoooooo i am dying over heree!!!!!!!
I was telling my mother about that restaurant experience. I am definitely about to forward your blog to her so she can see how serious it really was lol
and omg the brooklyn issue...I had no idea man...i never go there and now i have even less of a desire to do so
I am so sorry that you had to go through this difficult learning experience, but better to know now right? Your blog makes me feel better for not ever spending longer than 48hrs in NYC. PS, I hate most people so a simple experience such as walking on a crowded side walk could end in violence in my case so its prob better I dont visit NYC frequently.
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