WHY AMERICANS ARE SO F-ING FAT

So our country SUCKS when it comes to anything in proportions, especially when it comes to food. I kid you not when I say that I saw someone eating a Philly Cheese Steak with a doughnut hanging out the side of it like a greasy teenager with a zit that's about to burst. I almost threw up in my mouth trying to watch that fat ass eat that so called "sandwich." My question is, where the F did he get it from? OR, did he just make it up on his own and if so, does he work for Domino's Pizza? Aren't they the ones that make pizza where it's like tuna fish sandwich on pizza!? I'm not sh**ing you either, I saw a commercial at 1am on TV one time for a pizza that had something like that on there. I swear the marketing board for Domino's Pizza is just full of high as sh** college students that are sitting at a board room table going, "dude....have you ever had peanut butter and jelly on Pizza? It's AWESOME!" They have the appitiate and appeal of a pregnant woman.

My favorite was this morning on the TODAY SHOW where they had a salad "specialist" talk about how salads are making American's fat. Actually b****, it's all the F-ing eggs, bacon and buckets of creamy dressing, not the green stuff that's making folks fat, add in steak and there's another 500 calories to the meal. And the host was in shock, saying all the typical fake things a morning talk-show host would say that would make me wanna jump through the screen and attack her simple chipper a**. I remember in college when kids would try to cover their salads with as much stuff to drown out the flavor of the green leafs in there...by the time they were done putting stuff on it, it looked like a giant lucky charm leprechaun. YUM.

Anyways, American's are fat as f*** because we simply never heard the word "portion" we only heard, "that plate better be clean!" so I blame the parents that always put too much food on the plates for their kids, no wonder there's such a huge problem with obese children in this country....how did they slip on the "no means no" motto they used to teach so strongly about other things kids would face? Lets put that motto back onto the plates of little American children. Because I'm tired of seeing fat ones roam the streets with the parents claiming that it's just baby fat....ummm how bout no Scott.....Scotty no, Scotty don't.


Moral: dieting and working out will make your fat ass much healthier, no means NO :-)

Sex Toys & children computer chips balance the worries of the world

Yesterday two of my co-workers and myself were talking about sexism in the work place, unhappiness and how to get happy with sex toys. Isn't that what YOU talk about with your co-workers (*wink wink*) This is what I get for working at a radio station. Anyways, we were talking about our most embarrassing moments when our parents either found out that we were having sex, or them finding sex toys of ours etc. I told them about my experience, which I will proudly share with you now. If you're my older brother and reading this, you might wanna skip this part until I get to the "children with computer chips in their bags while at school" part.

So one day when I moved back to my parents home after living and going to college in Baltimore, I was sitting on my bed with my door wide open reading a magazine. My dad came in just to have some small talk and then starts looking around my room with a funny look on his face as if he's trying to figure out the answer to the worlds biggest question...he then asked me if I heard anything funny in my room. I hadn't noticed because I was deeply involved in the article I was reading in my magazine, so I said no, but then I DID hear a strange vibrating noise. Now I know what you're thinking since I just used the word "vibrator" and since we're on the topic of sex toys you'd expect for it to be that....well I honestly wasn't sure but that thought hadn't even crossed my mind yet. My dad started to kinda investigate my room with the noise as did I. Now my bedroom window is close to our neighbors house and there is an air conditioning unit outside their house that faces my bedroom window, and considering how OLD my parents house is, any time a car drives by, the windows will shake...it wasn't until he got closer to my dresser that I realized EXACTLY what the noise was. So I quickly jumped out of my bed and told my dad that I'm sure I'll figure it out,

"Well Semra, I mean it sounds close, it's just such a strange noise"

"yeah yeah dad I know, I've heard it before and it's def our neighbors air conditioning unit that's making are frail house shake...don't worry about it, can you close my door on your way out please!"

He still had that funny look on his face and then left VERY SLOWLY. It was KILLING ME PEOPLE! Can you imagine if he was the one to find out what it was!? That would have SUCKED. Anyways, I pull open the drawer where I knew my vibrator was hidden and sure enough, I had somehow knocked it into 1st gear (slowest vibration) when I must have slammed it in there in the OFF position from the last time. WOMP WOMP WOMP WHAAAAAA. I was saved that time, but there would be two other times when my dad found something to do with me and sex before and after that incident. Now I moved out and no longer face those problems, but GOODNESS, it's not cute or fun to have your DAD of all people find these things.

It gives me an extremely uncomfortable feeling, just like when I heard the news that students in high schools would be given a hidden computer chip to track where students are at all times. Yes people, we've gotten to the point where parents are clearly lacking in watching or knowing their own kids that they feel the need to TRACK THEIR KIDS WITH SECRET COMPUTER CHIPS. All those 80's movies are finally becoming a reality. It's just a freaky thing and NOT ok by me. If you want to read more about this, here is where I first found out about it.

KIDS WITH CHIPS

Moral: Keep things that are supposed to be PRIVATE, "private." There's a reason that we still need that word in the dictionary.

HOT SAUCE!

~ Semra ~

why I should have been in a Girl Group

So there are a few things in life that I enjoy, here they are in the following order: Chocolate, METHODMAN and the performance that I watched last night on the 2008 BET Awards with Alicia Keys, SWV, TLC and En Vogue!!! It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S, HANDS DOWN!!! Come on seriously!? It was re-donk-u-lous! The best part about it was the subliminal DISS to Destiny's Child since they weren't even part of that performance, hahaha!!! F***ing FANTASTIC! That group goes through more changes than Sha-nay-nay's Weave. And then they settled and broke up again. F***ING AWESOME. Although I think that E True Hollywood Story should do one on SWV....what happened to KOKO??? I heard she went through it for a bit, and clearly everyone could see that and hear that in her performance; but let me stop knockin' on folks that don't really deserve that mess. If anything I should be stompin' on Destiny's Child (womp womp).

I'm still upset over LEFT EYE not being here anymore and can you imagine if Aaliyah had been there with Missy too!??? Now THAT would have been a show to re-cap the 90's R&B worlds hearts.

So needless to say I fell asleep with a big ol' SMILE on my face just due to that performance which I have kindly posted in this blog for everyones viewing pleasure.

2008 BET Awards GIRL GROUP Performance

ENJOY! It's tastes so good when it touches your lips

Moral: Don't crush others dreams,...dream crusher

Are you there God it's me Semra, what the F*** did I do to deserve this!?!!!?!??!

So I got rushed to the ER at the crack of dawn on Friday morning last week in serious pain all around my stomach and back.....only to find out that my gallbladder is "diseased." What the F does that mean, you might ask yourself...well that's a very good question and thanks for asking it. Apparently if you drink a lot of booze and LQ (which I LOVE) and eat enough crap, your gallbladder will say no and begin to develop STONES (which actually aren't stones, they're more like sharp crystals that are tiny and hurt like a B****!), and when they're trying to pass all those fatty oils and foods from your liver to your gallbladder stones develop and make it painful for your body to function right. So apparently my gallbladder is diseased which means that you can't just take out the stones that have developed, you must remove your entire gallbladder (a short procedure with a long recovery period). So I guess the streets WON'T be seeing me any time soon :-( Womp Womp Womp Whaaaa.

The good news is that I'll be a much healthier person and have more money since I won't spend it on food and drinks while I'm out with friends. The sad part is that I'll be that one pathetic looser at the restaurant ordering a salad with EVERYTHING on the side. The other good news is that I still attract homeless and crazy people into my office building!!!

If you know me well enough then you may have experienced something that not many others get to experience, it's a little thing called HOMELESS PEOPLE THAT FOLLOW SEMRA INSIDE RESTAURANTS. Oh yeah that's right folks homeless people LOOOOOOOOOOVE them some Semra. I mean who wouldn't!? At least I know what I attract...ok yeah it's sad and true. So it happened to me again while I was here at the office. There's always something sad happening like guys trying to sell those "funny" GIANT TV remote controls.....I'd love to shoot the person who invented that one in the arm just due to how stupid that piece of crap is. But yeah, this guy was seriously having some mental problems where you could see him trying to get out his words in order but couldn't do it well. But his pitch of his "business" or whatever it was, wasn't clear, didn't make a lick of sense, and was like watching a dog chase it's own tail. I actually caught myself laughing at him while he was trying to be serious and he just told me that I had a GOOD SPIRIT....then he said something about whose ever up there is really taking care of me (I'm pretty sure that he was being sarcastic but since I didn't know him picked it up as CRAZY and sorta sarcastic).

ANYfart, the point of all of this is that I need a better security guard in this building, I need to make sure that I say no clearly to homeless folks that are crazy and aggressive AND I need to eat healthier.

Moral: don't be too nice, people might mistake that as the hand that feeds the hungry...and you're probably hungrier

LOVE

PEACE

&

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOULTrain,

~ Semra ~

Everyone is a little bit racist...FOX is one of them

If you're like me then you've probably heard about or seen the musical "Avenue Q" (if you haven't, it's REALLY worth checking out. It's not your typical old fashioned musical, it addresses everything that most people straight out of college encounter or still struggle with, and it is HILARIOUS). The reason that I bring this up is because of one of their songs called "Everyone is a little bit racist" and in all honesty, how can we not be? I like to think that I'm one of THE most open minded people walking around the earth but you know what, there are some stereotypes about certain races that just hit on point EVERY SINGLE TIME. I won't go into them because I might offend some of you and I'm not trying to take it there, but if you've ever driven behind an Asian woman then you know what I'm talking about....ok ok sorry, but you're probably laughing and shaking your head right about now because deep down you know, and you're probably like "IT'S SO F***ing TRUE!!!!" hahaha.

Any fart, I also bring this up due to the news that came out yesterday from a FOX network program. If any of you were ignoring this bit of news, it's probably because of the fact that you're SO tired of hearing racist remarks. To be honest, I don't condone it, but I'm almost immune to it at times too. That's how racist this country has become over time, I mean I knew it was worse before my generation, but learning to become racist is a conditioned cycle that parents/ grandparents/ aunts/ uncles/ cousins etc. teach others into being. If you're only surrounded by a certain person with a certain point of view on other humans roaming the earth, you're going to start to believe that they may be right about what they're saying, ESPECIALLY if you're young and this is being said to you, you're learning what's right from wrong by words, not your own experiences yet. It's come to the point where most aren't even fighting it anymore, it's as if it's expired from affecting us, although if there is something that is CLEARLY a strong racist comment I will react because I can't STAND those people that talk like that. FOX news is one of those "people."
First of all, they do not have a single black anchor on their show and if they do it's ONLY due to EEO policies OR because the topic that is about to be discussed is about RACE (wow how did they come up with that great idea? [insert sarcasm here]). If you haven't watched the clip about what I'm talking about here it is: FOX CLIP

Moral of the Day: Don't judge others, and PLEASE don't use "GOD" as a shield to your own personal racism, it's not a cute look

The creators of MUZZZAAAAK

Now we've ALL been subjected to this form of "music" (if you can even consider it that). Now, as a musician myself (yeah I bet you didn't even know about that one, haha), I'm pretty much offended that this even popped up in the music world. I guess there must have been some phase of music in the 90's that I missed where John Tesh and folks like him were the TOP "artists" and who can forget KENNY G....holy crap that was an awful time for anyone and their clothes AND HAIR. Anyways, what brought this about you ask yourself...two simple things: Elevators and Customer Service phone lines. WHAT THE F*** people, could we not just sync those up to radio stations that played REAL music??? It took them a few decades to figure this out, but eventually they did. I'd rather hear a fat person heavily breathing on the other end than be subjected to MUZAK. As you can tell I must have recently spent some time on a Customer Service line.....yup....all morning long.

Moral: Don't let yourself be affected by bad music, it will condition your musical taste and acceptance that you probably shouldn't be accepting as "ok" in the first place.

When art goes RIGHT!!!!

So I went to see one of my supa fly friends that kicks it on a stoop in Brooklyn this weekend (aka: I was in NY this weekend with my girl). She took me to this re-donk-u-lous Crafts Fair....now some of you might know this about me and some of you don't but you will quickly learn that I'm ALL about this type of sh**. I just about died and went to heaven when I got there, then got rained on, but that's what bars on corners are for (which is where we ended up seeking shelter, food, beer and margaritas). So the one chick that I ended up buying a T-shirt from (out of all 100 vendors there) turned out to be from DC, what are the odds!?? I must have had some magnetic force to go to her table out there in the rain. But I also HAD to share with you some of the other vendors that caught my eye which are listed as the following:

- KICK ASS DC STYLE (this is the chick I got the T-shirt from)

- Pedal Power (very cute bags)

- Prints that make you smile

- POSTERS (this was one of THE most crowded vendors when I first got there, and it's easy to see why. They had SUPER FLY posters and silk screens that they were selling there for a good price)

- Keepin' it GREEN

- Treez on Deez

ENJOY THESE PANCAKES...BITCHES!!!

Motto of the Day: See, Take, Play

I love me some SARCASM...and apparently America does too

So I was just thinking of one word that would discribe a lot about me and the only thing that stood out the most to me was SARCASM. Now apparently me and America share the same characteristic because sarcasm is used in literally everything, from "serious" journalism, to every comedy sitcom ever developed for our fine eyes to see. Did you know that there's actually an "anatomy of sarcasm" in humans? (according to this study I just read by the APA). I guess my next question is how come our culture seems to be the only one using it in every other sentence? Is it because all we got going for us that we share in common is sarcasm? (since there's so many cultures merged into one place).

So I asked an expert, one of the most sarcastic friends I've ever met in my life about this extremely interesting concept, their response was, "this is going to be a great blog" Of course this was said sarcastically so I had to punch them square in the face for the sake of my BLOG WORLD. So I pondered some more on this topic and realized that this is a learned behavior, probably by my older jerk-of-a-brother (well former jerk of a brother) planted this seed of sarcasm in me at a very young age because I remember talking back to my mom during dinner "testing my sarcasm" because he told me to. That didn't end so well, but it also opened the FLOOD GATES of my sarcastic remarks. Now I catch myself saying them to all levels of excutives at work and nothing bad has happened yet, so.......it must just mean that they share this same language of sarcasm. What a great thing too because my ass could have been fired SUCH a long time ago.

Moral: You can get by in life until you die making sarcastic remarks and get away with it and probably become one of the funniest friends of your group,...but this only works in America.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Relationships

So yes, we're finally reaching that on-going topic that hits every magazine cover during the summer time, the topic of LOVE. OR more so, "relationships" since the trends and style of dating are contantly changing per generation. There was a pretty accurate version that hit the NY stands recently (which I will attach for you to cut and paste and read)
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/fashion/08love.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070&en=02c36df8ec39ff6b&ex=1213848000&emc=eta1

The part that wasn't mentioned in the article was the portion where people start to feel the pressure of marriage later in life (hence the early 30's freak-out) when people around their 30's re-evaluate their relationships, or life choices and want someone to stand there by their side as a partner, or for men, they freak out and start trying to find their wife because they've been focusing on their career and ignoring the time to take out for a relationship because it's just "too time consuming". All of which just seems incrediably interesting to me, I find it sooooo interesting that MEN (sorry I won't male bash because I'm not into catagorizing everyone from one group when it's specific ones in my mind), get to a certain part in their life and then go, "hmmm now that I have a house and stuff and my career is in line, I guess I should start wife hunting" and then they just start looking for one that has potential to be a wife to them, but it's not even anything to do with the woman they pick, it could have been ANY woman that had the slightest potential with a V-jay-jay. To the guy it's more so just something that they set to GET DONE and cross off their "life-plan" LIST and I have a HUGE F-ing problem with that. It's very obvious to the AWARE females out there; as for those types of men that do that mess, it's just really sad and they're the reason for the divorce rates rising, because MOST (not all, but most) get into a marriage for all the WRONG reasons and don't know ALL the parts that go along with it and then it becomes something that they can't "control" and they start to distance themselves from the woman that they "picked" and then it turns into a big ol' mess.

Now please don't think that I'm knocking marriages because I'm not. My parents have been married for 37 years, and like all couples they've had their moments, but they didn't get into the marriage due to "baby reasons" or "money" (cuz trust me, they weren't on the BLING BLING side of life), they got married because they became eachothers bestfriends, actually LOVED eachother, respected that and never fought their feelings and all that jazz. I just don't see that happening a lot with my generation. I see people supporting (at times) and getting used to being around someone for a long period of time and then they just figure that that's what they have to do since they've been together for X amount of years, but it's almost like there's nothing more to it than that for them.

I know that nothings perfect, I know that I don't expect perfection from the person I end up with, but there is more to it then just making decisions too. I just hope that I'm not the only one that realizes that we CAN still go on dates and have that old fashioned style that everyone seems to be skipping before they freak eachother. We may be oversaturated with sex and have almost zero feelings towards it now, but we also can change all of that with how we HANDLE ourselves.

MORAL: Don't judge a book by it's cover, you may end up marrying it by mistake and regret it later

Little grown men and David Bowie songs...

So I must say that on certain days I look FLY, on others...hmmmm not so much. Apparently today was a FLY day, I only know this because I walk to work and made some dudes heads turn, great for self esteem when you're trying to get over a douche bag of a boy you used to be with (no more comments on that, I'll keep that seperate for another time and place). Anyfart, so I just wanted to know when 14 - 16 year olds grew some serious balls the way they did, not literally, gross, I'm talking on the straight up confidence tip. I swear I get hollered at by more little boys on the street than I know what to do with myself, that and 60 year old men, NOT CUTE.

The worst time was when there were these three fake ass "thuggs" walking down the street towards me, one of the three was white and called me a F-ing SNOW BUNNY when I walked by!!! Are you serious!??! I wanted to turn around and be like, "you know that just by hanging out with black folks doesn't make your skin change right? Take off the chains and go be a F-ing accountant or something" Thanks to my iShuffle I don't hear them all doing some cat calls that their dads and uncles must have taught them...but lets be honest, this "trend" is NOT CUTE. Seriously, it needs to stop. I'm not trying to get into some R Kellita status with 18 and unders. NO THANKS. I'm trying to live my life by looking FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYY until the day I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, in peace :-)

David Bowie has some hot ass songs dudes and dudettes, apparently I was too busy listening to MJ, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper when I was little to pay that much attention to David Bowie....FAME is the sh** and I didn't know that Foo Fighters stole HERO's from him....man everyones been stealing tracks for a minute.

Advice tip of the day: STAY OUT OF 18 and UNDERS pants

Sex dreams, and celebrity baby names....

OK, call me crazy but I'm almost certain that no recent celebrities have named their children anything that won't get made fun of by other children that they end up growing up with (if the celebs even allow them to grow up like a normal kid and off the property of their mansion, which they won't). So seriously, I'm sitting here reading The Washington Post and realizing that Jessica Alba just named her first daughter HONOR. Lets just clear something up CELEBRITIES, I know you're trying to be "unique" and what not....but seriously, naming your child after a NUMBER, or your favorite VERB doesn't help that child become unique, it just makes them get jumped by other kids named James, Alex and Semra. In America you simplify things. That's not even a traditional name in another culture, that came from the Dictionary, stop trying to act like it's something unique that you just thought of. I love how this wasn't the drugs talking either after they gave birth. This was a THOUGHT OUT action that they still decided to take. I feel bad for the kid. At least she has good genes though, but then again sometimes when two folks get together that look TOO good, they make crackhead looking suckers. GOOD LUCK FOLKS!

Speaking of people getting together and having children, can we talk about the sex dreams that are completely taking over my normally restful nights I used to be getting!? Can you actually control your thoughts like that? I just kinda let my mind do what it wants to without me having anything to do with it, but clearly my mind is setting me up. There's nothing worse for a woman than waking up thinking that you've just had sex and didn't even know who the person was because it was completely made up. NOT COOL MIND! Not cool at all.

Enjoy your baby-free day!

The Hills (no really, what the F is this show about?)

So I'm a reality hoe like most of you guys, meaning that I watch a lot of crap on TV (since that's pretty much the only stuff left to pick from). The reality shows are CLEARLY getting out of hand. They're trying to come up with shows for every profession. So basically if you're interested in knowing what it's like to be a mailman/woman, there's probably a reality TV show that's already about it, so you don't have to wonder anymore.

There's just an unbelievable amount of reality CRAP TV out there that it's overwhelming....which brings me to my next topic: THE HILLS. Could somebody PLEASE tell me what this show is about? I sat through (I guess what was their first episode back on MTV) and I really don't get what the show is supposed to be about. But I DO know that it makes me want to beat up every single one of those people on the show, I have hate in my heart. I heard something about two of them making up to $3 million dollars from the show and then making LA club apperances......are you f***ing sh**ing me? On top of that, the guy had the nerve to say something along the lines of, "my money game is right" or "my money status can't be touched" or something that really made me wanna buy a shot gun and go out to LA and 50 Cent all over his ass. But I won't because I'm a smart girl and don't wanna get locked up. I can only hope that Suge Knight handles that situation. How great would that be? That would be gossip news like you never would have believed, haha.

Anyways, the moral of all of this is that you shouldn't watch this crap, clearly it's causing assholes like that guy to become even more cocky for not doing anything on this earth that contributes to anything but mindless entertainment. What does he even DO for a LIVING!??? People are sitting there watching him eat food, go to sleep, wake up in the morning and sh**. WHY DO WE CARE ABOUT THIS? The Development team at MTV needs to stop producing this crap and the "cast" of The Hills needs to stop sucking the d***'s of the executives that are pulling the strings of each and every one of those people. Soooooooo fake man, and we wonder why it's hard for people to trust things that they see on TV.

How did we do this thing called living without electricity???

So like everyone in this world at some point, after a huge storm that hit the DC/ MD/ VA area yesterday I lost electricity. Now I for one have always been able to entertain myself easily...I pretty much still am 7 years old at heart, but I have to admit, after sitting in my apartment with candles lit and nothing to do or read (since I would have had to hold up a F-ing flashlight like I'm Nacy F-ing Drew), I realized that I cannot tolorate the fact that Pepco can't get that sh** back up and running like the rest of the USA. Why does it always take a few days to get things right? I'm telling you, that storm was symbolic to what's going on with majority of the folks walking this planet and that's called the LACK OF COMMON SENSE. I've always been one to openly bash on others (call me a HATER, I know...HATE HATE HATE, just like that ol' Dave Chappelle skit), but it's true, more than half of the worlds population doesn't have common sense, so I really don't feel like I can depend on others to get anything right PERIOD. Prime example is the sh** I'm dealing with right now with this whole "non-electric" thing. It's not cool. NOT-AT-ALL. I hate living ghetto-FAB style, and bummin' others for hot water, TV shows, cooked meals and everything else I need for basic living now-a-days. WHY CAN'T WE GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE....WHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!????

So basically what I'm trying to get at is this...if you have electricity right now, be happy, cause your girl DOESN'T and it's blowin' me in all sorts of ways. Not to mention the fact that I have a Bachelorette Party coming up that will be partically done at my place....well not if this F-ing electricity doesn't start up by the end of today, we might have to move the joint to my parents house or something.

Maybe the BEST part of all of this is how my roommate tried to take a shower this morning and SHREEEEKED when she realized that it's only cold ass water. YEAH GIRL, GET IT! hahaha.

Side-note: When I was walking to work this morning, a little girl was crossing the street pushing a stroller (a play stroller, not a real joint), and had two of the fugliest dolls being pushed in there, I freaked out. Can we get rid of the "wanna be a baby mama" strollers and dolls for little girls??? How bout something more child friendly like a WHIP! Get them into dominatrix or something beneficial to them...ya dig?

Everyone else seems to be throwin' out their thoughts, I mind as well too...

So I'm sitting here in my office, after closing out my accounts with the technical world of stalking (aka: FaceBook and MySpace), and realizing that blogging is really just another journal. But since I no longer KEEP a journal (just mostly poems I've written in the past), this might be a better way to REALLY express myself ;-) And complain about people, life, society...you know, all the things that everyone else is ALREADY crying over.

Some of you know me, some of you don't, here's the thing though...you will....oh yes....you will.

Even though this is just a simple little BLOG, it's about to become much more, so stay tuned...