Tuesday, September 30, 2008

hurray!! Everyone's a whore!!!!



It's that time of year again, when every woman gets to dress up like a hooker and every guy gets to put zero effort into a costume and just be a jerk at clubs that host Halloween parties. Folks, it's about to get EXTRA sloppy. I have a love-hate relationship with this "holiday" festival. But I still have a kick a** time over a sh**y night when I'm out on this night. It's time for those creative juices to start flowing with different ideas. Basically if you're a girl, the less you wear the more compliments you'll get. TRUST ME, it's the whores holiday, take it up and do what you do because deep down inside every girl wants to slut it up for a night and have a valid excuse.




But more importantly, how DID this come about? When did the trend of dressing like a total slut take place and out-do those that actually were creative and put a lot of thought into their costume? If I end up having kids, and one is a girl, I better NOT see her wearing the stuff I've been seein' for the past 5 years out in the streets or she'll end up in em'...that's my WORD.




THOUGHTS?




QUESTIONS?




CONCERNS?




HAPPY pre-HALLOWEEN!!!

Monday, September 29, 2008

DEBATES 2008


So things have been extremely busy for me life-wise and office-wise (surprisingly) this week, and since I have some of THE most creative friends on earth with talent, I decided that my fantastic lady CHANTAL should have her chance to shine on today's blog subject :-) Topic, the debate from Friday night


Ok, here are tonight's odds:

-McCain mentions POW camp more than five times: 4-1

-Obama will use the words "hope" and "change" in the same sentence: 2-1

-McCain dies mid-speech: 12-1

-The camera will cut to Sarah Palin in her backyard, rendering whale blubber into oil with her children, Trapdoor and Ratchet: 8-1

-Kanye West, Wyclef Jean and Talib Kweli emerge from backstage for a mini freestyle everytime
Obama makes a "hot point": 5-1

- McCain savagely rips the moderator's esophagus from his throat with one hand: 17-1

- Fox News irrationally speculates about something that didn't happen : 1-1

- Upon conclusion of debate, Obama morphs into a human sized dove and soars out over the crowd, dropping heart shaped American flag pins that float down on little rainbow parachutes: 3-1

- Ralph Nader appears as a surprise guest and recycles himself into a re-usable cloth supermarket bag live on stage: 25-1

- Hillary Clinton is arrested in the parking lot of the Ford Center, after being spotted on top of a hot dog van, holding up the severed head of Joe Biden, loudly reciting an ancient Sarawak chant of the Kayan-Kenyahs tribe: 16-1

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Not how I like to spend my evenings....


Last night I went out with two of my girls for dinner and drinks to celebrate LIFE and all the roads it takes us on. During that celebration I was EYE raped by a stranger sitting on a chair that was about 15 feet away from where I was sitting with my girls. They told me at first that he was staring at the back of my head for about 5 minutes, then he was just straight staring at me. I looked at him hard enough to be able to tell if something was wrong with his eye or something....nothing was wrong, he just had a staring problem.


What made it even worse was that he was out on a DATE with some girl who was petting his hair while she sipped her wine and he was staring at ME! Creepy as sh**

Folks, all of this was just TOO MUCH for me to handle so I hope that you don't have to go through what I did last night.



Moral: watch out for eye rapers, they're out there and they're NOT pretty

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

WHY THERE SHOULD BE NAP TIME IN THE OFFICE


I loooooooooove my sleep. I mean I REALLY REALLY love it, I'm a grumpy person in the morning without it and I don't drink coffee, so I really do need all of my sleep or sometimes someone will get stabbed.

Now wouldn't it be logical for all offices to provide standard NAP TIME for 20 minute power naps IF needed? You know how folks always compare old people to children and how life comes around full circle. Well why waste the pleasures of NAPS when we all know in college we took them between classes and all that jazz!? They make the world a happier place. If you're one that LOOOOVES to just drain yourself for the whole day so that you have ZERO energy by the end, then by all means, keep on husslin'. BUT...for those of you who adore sleepy time just as much as I DO, then people, lets make this movement NOW!


Lets start a study; get some type of research company to support this theory (because you know deep down it's true), and help build a better America and WORLD! I believe that if we all had enough sleep, we wouldn't act out, or jump to conclusions and all sorts of problems would be solved.


WHOSE WITH ME?


Moral: Sometimes sleep IS more important than sex

Monday, September 22, 2008

Why I love YouTube


Dear YouTube,


It's been some time since we've spent endless hours staring deeply into eachothers eyes, wasting time all day when I should be "working" BUT....you're just too damn temping, especially when you have things like THIS:




So my sweet little YouTube, if you keep tempting me, I'm sure to get fired and put out on the street for watching these during office hours...and for that...I thank you.


Sincerely,


~ SIM SIMMA ~


Friday, September 19, 2008

GO F**K YOURSELF FRIDAY'S...




Check out those hilarious T-shirts that I think everyone should buy right now. So many options and ways to offend folks, they make great presents for any special occasion, great shirts to wear right before you pop the question to your girlfriend too, it just FEELS RIGHT.

Any fart, so what is today's item of news you ask yourself? Great question and I have a fantastic answer for you.


Today's topic is GO F**K YOURSELF FRIDAY.....hurraaaay! This basically is my mentality today and it might be the lucky day where someone realizes that I'm not doing a damn thing in the office and will fire me (crossing fingers now). Should I just sit here and log onto HULU.com and watch ENDLESS amounts of TV shows that I haven't seen since the early 90's so I can make SURE that I get sent out of this place in style? I'm thinking YES.....my parents would be so proud.


This is literally all I have today, I'm THAT f**king tired..oh one bit of REAL news today: It's "Talk Like a Pirate Day".....and you should find out what your Pirate name is

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

NEWS NEWS AND MORE NEWS


There were a few things that I read about that have been going down that interest me and probably will interest you JUST as much. Here they are:

*Hacker gets into Sarah Palin's email account and pulls up some more dirt. It's wrong that they hacked into her email account, but I hate her so whatever.
HACKERS HELP PUT PALIN ON BLAST

*R Kelly was intereviewed on BET about being set free into the world of young women and underaged ladies. Worried about your daughter? You probably should be.
R KELLY, RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!!

*MTV's TRL finally a goner! Wooohooo, one of my least favorite shows that saturated the minds of children accross the USA is finally going to close down it's doors. After a 10 year run, they're saying goodbye to bad pop music and screaming 15 year olds crying in the background....now if only BET could take off their knock off version of the same thing 106 & Park. Yeah I SAID IT!
MTV says bye to TRL

Why I love Matt Damon again



I just peeped the mini video of Matt Damon talking about his opinion on Sarah Palin....and all I have to say is that he took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. I couldn't have said it better. I also got a kick ass email with pictures of protestering residents of Alaska with all sorts of catchy phrases knocking on Palin. My sister-in-law even told me that one of her friends that lives in Alaska said that more than half of Alaska hates her because they feel that she's an extremist and doesn't represent anyone living up there.


AGREED






Here's the clip from Matt Damon talking about Sarah Palin...enjoy it, I know I did.








Moral: the proof is in the pudding

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Jen is getting married to WHO?...he's a bamma


Jennifer Hudsen could do SO much better folks. I know I don't know this PUNK/ Puck....whatever his name is fella, but I know that he looks like a douche and so he just might be that, also he's a tool for being on that show "I Love New York." That so called "woman" is a hotghettomess.com folks.....I still can't believe how scripted all of these shows are etc. and she's just the defintion of GROSS. She reminds me of Wendy Williams. Can you imagine those two together? YUCK




I digress, I love Jen, I think she's cute, has her own little style, can obviously sing and I LOVE the fact that she out did Beyonce (who is played out and over in my eyes...why are people still pressed?) in Dream Girls. Here's the mini article on JEN's Engagement




So Jen's been dating this dude for less than a year. I have a rule (this is just my personal rule from experience), but you really don't know a person that well unless it's been over a year. This isn't always the case for everyone, but I think that most relationships FAIL in a sad way when people get so caught up in the beginning for the first few months...it's like there's nothing left by the end of the relationship. Again, that's just MY opinion on it.




Moral: know who you are and who your significant other is before you pop that question, or slip on that ring...just my heads up.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Where are my ladies at?????????


Today is one of those Monday's where all I want to do is have nap time, eat some Goldfish, drink some juice, and maybe design a new top and listen to Lauryn Hill.......but where IS Miss Hill by the way??? My ears have been hurtin' for something good to go in them. I'm completely unsatisfied with the music scene right now (like many of you out there are too), and I just can't seem to see where or when females will start to take over in an overpopulated MALE industry (big surprise, that's like EVERY industry). I would LOVE to see a change and SOON!


With girls like Palin's daughter not using condoms because there's no music groups out there like TLC was there for me with Left Eye and her condom over her eye to remind me that you need to STRAP UP before you DIVE INTO this, it's hard to see that these little girls have nobody to really look up to. Hannah Montana doesn't count because that's something FAKE to look up to and I hate fake people, we have enough of that in this country.


I just wish that Lauryn would write and sing again like she was put here to do. I know she had that strange Willie Wonka look-a-like style going on for awhile and folks flipped out and knocked her and said she went crazy. I might be one of the only supporters of her Unplugged CD because she really talked about issues that needed to be addressed. I wish that it had gotten more play than it did. Kanye stole a hook from her in his song, ALL FALLS DOWN.


LADIES LETS MAKE A CHANGE...oh and voting for McCain due to him having a so-called "woman" rep their party doesn't count. She's trying to control PERSONAL ISSUES out there for the rest of us, this should not be allowed in politics ever in my eyes.....


SO CAN SOMEONE PLEASE UPDATE ME WITH WHERE LAURYN HILL IS PLEASE!???


THANKS!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Palin....and the debate of the WOMAN...



So I hate to turn this blog into anything besides meaningless information and opinions...BUT, I have to put my personal political foot down on a few things. As you have probably figured out by now, I'm a pretty liberal person. That's just me, and if you're extremely conservative then that's fine too, I honestly don't knock peoples own style, BUT...when it interferes with a womans body or circumstance, then I differ A LOT with peoples opinions.




This whole Palin being a woman and "breaking the glass ceiling" for other women...I'm just NOT buying it. Here's the situation and how I see it...Obama had this upper hand with the conversation of CHANGE and how he and his party would make those differences in our country as a whole, then he brought on board Biden because of his politics and experience with WORLD RELATIONS (something that we've been lacking for the past 8 years). This is brought up EVERY time I travel overseas so please don't argue with me about this because you will loose.




So then there's McCain (I don't have a HUGE problem with HIM specifically, but I differ in his options on a lot of topics), I actually don't mind the guy that much otherwise; he's no Obama (that's for sure) and I'm not voting for McCain, BUT...it might not be the end of the this country if he got elected into office if it wasn't for one other person that would be put in there too and her name is Palin. Now THIS is where the bad stuff starts to paint into the picture of reality (or in her case, lack there of since she's lived in a bubble since birth). I know the arguements of how much the VP doesn't affect what the president does and what the whole purpose is in having a VP in the first place, but lets look at one person that's changed the face of VP's in our history and could be compared to the DEVIL...his name is Chaney and he's a SCARY MUTHA F**KA. He's the reason why there CAN be bad decisions made if you have a weak president...or one that would pass away as soon as they were elected (McCain is a prime example of that happening), which would then mean that Palin would take over.




HUGE PROBLEM, among the fact that Palin won't allow anyone to interview her (because Republicans are trying to cover all the WRONGS with her family and their past and need time to do this), she is not the type of "WOMAN" that I've grown up knowing or being close to or admiring, or one that even cares about other womens rights! She's a clone of what every conservative MAN on earth has wanted from a woman (one that agrees with them ALL THE TIME and just stands there and doesn't do much else)...well folks she's THAT woman, that much is true and proven with everything that comes out of her mouth.


I found out something this week that really pissed the SH** out of me dealing with her as well. Her city was charging fees to victims of rape for kits that help fight off diseases etc. (anywhere else you go to in our country they are FREE because nobody CHOOSES to be raped), it's a crime and should ALWAYS be punished, so what does our friend Palin do? She punishes the victims! What a wonderful human. Apparently she's THAT religious that she believes that RAPE is "gods will" and she wanted to make a point by being Satin and destroy women who are helpless victims (what a great person to represent out country).




So here's another article that I read today from The Washington Post about our friend Palin and apparently the women that are impressed and support her because she's a mother and a multi-tasker (fart). I wish they would have come to ME and asked my opinion, seems pretty biased with the types of women that they picked to interview...but whatever, not really that surprised since it supports the view of the article to begin with.








Moral: Fight for something worth fighting for

Thursday, September 11, 2008

News on two of the biggest BAMMAZ on earth...






Kanye West was arrested because he tried to scruff with two photographers at LAX.....really? who cares, he's still a bamma and look at what he was rockin' when he got arrested....












Also can we talk about Beyonce's hair at the Fashion/Music Awards on Tues. night on CBS?.......what was that? Someone told me that she was doing it in tribute to Etta James........ummm I don't care, ugly is ugly no matter what your excuse might be.






Moral: JUST STOP TRYING SO HARD!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The new day and age of "holleration"


We've all been through it. Someone is diggin' you but you're not feeling them. This used to happen in bars and clubs and all those social scenes. Now....it's happening ONLINE.


You big bammaz you. I get a kick out of being "holla'd" at through MySpace / Facebook etc. etc. Whatever social network that you use. Seriously, how many of you end up falling for these big bammaz? I guess I can understand if you're still in high school and don't have THAT many outside social settings besides house parties etc. But honestly, it's depressing when you're 30 plus and trying to holla at someone online. I would like to be the first person to tell the world to STOP DOING THAT SH**!!!!


It's not cute.


Moral: don't be a bamma, go out into the real world with the rest of us and holla in the old fashioned way....IN YO FACE!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

New blogs....I like it!!!


My friend just pointed out a very cool blog to me. What happens is, you send them ONE PHRASE and then they create a picture for it, with their own creations and characters etc.


Here's the site:




Moral: There is none, go do something with your life

Monday, September 8, 2008

MTV Video Music Awards 2008......FAIL!




What a disapointing expression of art/fashion and music all in one place at the same time. This could have been due to several things in being as bad as they were:


1.) someone slipped through the hiring process for MTV and just graduated from high school and made everything for that generation


2.) Hollywood believes that no matter what, anything goes....WRONG


3.) someone with no talent slept their way to the top to get the top executive position to produce the awards with ZERO experience




Seriously, it could have been any of those reasons. I still can't believe I wasted all those hours watching it last night, just hoping that someone would steal the show. WRONG




Not only was it impossible to watch (mainly due to that f**king annoying British dude that wouldn't shut up and thought that he was hilarious....I never heard people really laugh at his jokes, they went by his crazy awful appearance). They literally ignored the motto, "Don't judge a book by it's cover" He SUCKED so badly.




Now here's my list of everything that was wrong about this years VMA's:




1) Rhianna's new look (what's up with the mullet/rat-tail?) and why did she have toilet paper hanging off the entire back of her so called "dress" ??? Does Chris Brown still want to hit that after the way she looked last night? He probably threw up a little bit in his mouth like I did.


2) Britney Spears weave-o-rific hot mess hair of the week (way to go guuuurl)......I love how you could see exactly where the attachments were made when there was a spotlight behind her highlighting all of her hair, or what's left of it still (womp womp)


3) Lil Wayne's undies need to stay the F**k in their place (inside your jeans), What girls think that you look good? They must be more busted looking than yourself. First off you look like a troll with bad luck. You're not hood anymore, you dress like a f**king douche bag from Williamsburg BK with your trendy ass outfits. You're swagger and grimy side is completely GONE *poof*....Lil Wayne gets a quick FAIL from me with his style.


4) T-Pain.....honestly what the F**K were you thinking with that horrid outfit of yours? You just stole Solange Knowles bamma of the week award with your outfit. Looking like the MAD TEA HATTER from Alice In Wonderland... NOT PIMPIN'!!!! Flava Flav already took that look awhile ago. FAIL




Ladies and Gents, the ONLY good act was PINK because she's the SH** and knows it and she's good at what she does. She stole everyones show for the night. I didn't like Kayne's new song....it's going to be one of those tracks that you hear over and over and over again and that's how the music industry tries to make everyone like the same song. Lets be clear about something though,...if you don't like it the first time you hear it, that means that it's BAD. Kayne, FAIL. Everyone get off the d**k-rydin' conceded Kanye Train...it's not cute and he's still a bamma as well.




In terms of outfits that everyone wore last night, it can best be discribed with one word: AWFUL. The fashion world is on a halt with what they're trying to do with musicians, because they obviously didn't even try to make ANYONE look good last night. Did you see what Lindsey Lohan was wearing? It was a joke. It's like nobody was trying and then there's Britney Spears and her hooker Vegas dresses...poor thing, she's such a hick it's unbelievable. The only entertaining outfit was what Katty Perry wore, it was this white old school 50's style swimsuit/ jumpsuit that had a banana on her shoulder strap that she could peal and she did while performing 'I Kissed a Girl'. (I hate that song, but it's catchy as hell).




So MTV, I'm disapointed in you. You brought NOTHING to the table last night, you're staff should be fired. I hope you have a good excuse and I can't believe that some of the reviews I've been reading were in support of the award show. F**king AWFUL.




Moral: bad things happen to good networks.....MTV FAIL


Saturday, September 6, 2008

THIS IS THAT NEW FIRE!!!

This is by far the BEST song I've heard in 2008. You don't have to pretend like you don't think it's the sh** either. Just keep it real *wink* It's a classic, HANDS DOWN

JAW DROPPER:
It's So Cold In The D


Moral: Just because you are a human and can talk and make noises shouldn't allow you to think that you're an artist

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Republican Party and Convention Disturbing?...YES!


Does anyone else find this photo taken of the "attempting" VP (Polin) seem a little bit similar to something that went down in 1942?


Just wondering.......this "woman" isn't about anything that women have been fighting for.
HAY-DA-DIT!!!
NEXT!!!
Moral: just because someone says that they stand for something, doesn't mean that they really do. Walk the walk and talk the talk....don't half a** things

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

90210...............FAIL



I don't like to get caught up in the TV world considering all the rich programming that's out there filling my mind (SARCASM). It challenges my thoughts with things like, "would I slap her if she did that?" and all sorts of super important Flava of Love style women and men that get to grace my TV screen and eyes.

Last night I DID watch the season premier of 90210.....now lets talk about this. The media was super hyping it up to the point that the Washington Post said that it's producers wouldn't even allow critics to do TV reviews before it popped up on TV last night. So here's MY REVIEW of the show:
90210 back in the 90's had something going on for what it was back then. There weren't 20 other shows that were identical to the style it held, maybe Melrose Place, but that's about it. It was still a late night soap opera with a little bit more reality in there in terms of the problems....but ONLY comparing it to DAY TIME Soap Operas. Anyways, the characters all felt generic to the other programs that CW has during the rest of the year. Nothing at all stood out. It felt like I was just watching another version of Gossip Girl or something along those story lines. I watched the entire 2 hour premier and to this hour I have no idea WHY. Was it because they made it seem like it would be so exclusive that I would feel like it's the sh** since I'm watching it? Clearly I'm not their demographic AT ALL (considering that I'm obessesed with CURRENT TV and almost nothing else on TV). It was pure spoon fed entertainment, which of course was what I was expecting from the show, but it honestly didn't even do THAT for me. It was a straight up WASTE-O-TIME, ya dig? Not only was I not even impressed, but I felt even more upset because I could have written up a better script than what they brought to the table. Now I know that this is only the beginning since they're trying to make it dramatic as the one in the 90's but it's hard man....it's hard to even have a desire to pay attention.
Just another reason why NOT to have a kid, so they won't be subjected to dealing with this when they land on earth.
Moral: maybe if you move to Africa you won't have to deal with programs like this? Just a thought...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sometimes your pants split...it's part of life




I had an eventful weekend. It involved a good ol' fashioned POTLUCK....which there was plenty of on both ends, POT & LUCK. The following day was my girls surprise engagement party which ended up finishing dancing to Reggae music until 2am....folks, THIS is where it all went down hill.

Not only did I have a GREEN MONSTER to start off with when I got there (Long Island Iced Tea with melon juice instead of coke to make it green).......but I kept droppin' it like it's HOT to every song that was played. I even put on a little show to make heads turn, THANK GOD they stopped and started dancing themselves because what I'm about to share with you next would have been AWFUL if anyone but my friends saw it.

Apparently I dropped it like it was TOO HOT, and my pants decided that during Buju Bunton's song "Champion" they would part ways......my pants divorced eachother right there on the dance floor. My pants SPLIT from the belt loop ALL the way down to my knee cap. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP IF I WANTED TO.

So what does anyone do when their pants split? That's right.....GET THE F*** out of there!!!!! Which is what I did with my girls brothers shirt tied around my waste that hung low enough to block my extremely exposed a** to the streets. Good thing I drove too, riding the METRO pant-less, isn't a good look in DC.
MORAL: don't buy linen "jeans" and think that you can dance in them....they will hate you and prove it on the dance floor